3/16/2012

Joe Bowman: Filmography

 
This has the potential to be as good as the previous film adaptation (with Angelina Jolie and Jenny Lewis) of Oates' novel was bad.
Foxfire
 
Maybe more than any other that comes to mind, this film makes me question my sexuality.
Bound
Thanks to seeing Nico Icon at a young age, whenever I read something where this film is referenced, the voice in my head always changes to Nico's deep, German, echoing voice as my eyes run across "Zeee Innnuhhh Ssscaaaar."
The Inner Scar
 
Currently sitting atop my list of the films of 2012 I'm most excited about...
Holly Motors
 
To Die For
The cast is great, particularly Nicole Kidman and Illeana Douglas, but it's a pretty limp satire that does, however, rise to the occasion (pun sort of intended) when the US National Anthem puts Suzanne into a trance as she realizes the murder of her husband doesn't just lift the weight off her "shooting star" but places it in front of more cameras than she ever dreamed.
To Die For
Tiresia
Like all of Bonello's films, this is a stunning film -- only hope that it (and he) will one day get the recognition they deserve.
Tiresia
 
Passengers
This is really bad, though I kept wishing it were a lot worse. Almost an enjoyable train (er, plane) wreck, but not quite.
Passengers
 
Melancholia
I'm still not sure why Dunst was singled out for Best Actress at Cannes and not Gainsbourg (aside from the fact that she'd won two years prior).
Melancholia
 
 
Monster-in-Law
Whatta piece of shit.
Monster-in-Law
 
Obsessed
It's really about the Obamas, isn't it?
Obsessed
 
Dream for an Insomniac
I shit you not... the movie goes from black-and-white to color when the quirky (read, tediously egocentric) protagonist meets the man of her dreams.
Dream for an Insomniac
Frances Bay
RIP Hope there's plenty of cream corn to go around in heaven! (and by heaven, I mean the Black Lodge).
Cast Member Still
Strangeland
Cute.
Strangeland
 
George Bataille's Story of the Eye
Dreadful.
George Bataille's Story of the Eye
 
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
Thank you, IMDb user, for: "A cinematic fatality!!"
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
Journey to the Center of the Earth
Yikes.
Journey to the Center of the Earth
 
Oh, God! Book II
If this doesn't turn you into a believer, nothing will! God makes a really good case for that little girl when he uses cheap camera tricks (the chandelier! It was there before the jump cut!!) to befuddle those Sodomites (educated scientists) who want to send the little girl to her rightful home (a mental hospital).
Oh, God! Book II
 
Forrest Gump
It's strange to think the man who made this infuriatingly wretched movie also brought the world Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Back to the Future. What's more offensive: the way it romanticizes being retarded or how cute it (wrongly) thinks its pop history humor is? If Crash is the worst Best Picture winner of the 00s, this is most certainly the worst of the 90s.
Forrest Gump
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    WhatsUpWill

     

    Moron. A Beautiful Mind is worse than Crash and Braveheart, Shakespeare in Love, and American Beauty are all worse than this.
 
The Change-Up
The comedic formula that keeps on giving. :/
The Change-Up
Bio-Dome
Sure, it blows... but not all terrible movies can claim the following: Patty Hearst as Stephen Baldwin's mother; before-they-were-famous appearances by Rose McGowan and Tenacious D; and Kylie Minogue playing a scientist named, uh, Dr. Petra von Kant. It may be the only Pauly Shore movie out there to tip its hat to Rainer Werner Fassbinder.
Bio-Dome
My Blueberry Nights
This was even worse than I remembered it being (though I think Norah Jones is better than almost all of the legitimate thespians that surround her). On the other hand, the scene with Chan Marshall was as luminous as it ever was, a moment that makes you wish a director would give her a leading role in the future and hope that director isn't Wong Kar-wai.
My Blueberry Nights
 
Cold Star
It feels like Johan Renck's video for The Knife's "Pass This On" reimagined as a lascivious comedy. All of which is okay with me.
Cold Star
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
 
You'd think it would HAVE to be better than the last time Depp and Cruz acted together -- but the trailer, early reviews and the placement of one of Hollywood's worst directors behind the camera suggest otherwise.
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
 
Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit
5 stars for that photo.
Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit
 
Pumpkin
PUMPKIN is in a rare class of films that fails on nearly every single level for the first 99% of their running time, only to deliver such an unexpected, brilliant closing minute that almost makes the tedium of sitting through the proceeding–in this case 112–minutes a worthy sacrifice. Almost.
Pumpkin
Fear
Mark Wahlberg is the best person to get seated next to when riding a rollercoaster.
Fear
 
Shadowboxer
How bout that zebra
Shadowboxer
 
Melancholia
Rachel Getting Married by way of Deep Impact? Sign me up. I'll say it again though, Téa Leoni > Kirsten Dunst. Next time, Lars.
Melancholia
Boomerang
Terrible. Aside from Grace Jones of course.
Boomerang
Annie Girardot
She was one of the greats and will be missed.
Cast Member Still
 
Where the Day Takes You
One of the worst films I've ever seen.
Where the Day Takes You
 

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